From Unicorn Piss to Deep Shit, these are the most fun product names to say out loud
A few months ago, we had the bright idea to file a Freedom Of Information Act (FOIA) request with the Massachusetts Cannabis Control Commission for data on all the product labels they’ve rejected for some reason or another.
Our intent was not to embarrass brands that turned up in the search, but rather we were mostly out for laughs and maybe also to see where regulators are drawing the line. There’s no mention of profanity in the packaging rules, but we expected to find that some products had been blocked for violating packaging requirements relating to “images of minors,” “words that refer to products that are commonly associated with minors or marketed by minors,” or something along those lines.
Unfortunately, the CCC has not yet been able to query their database in a way that allows them to sufficiently respond to our public information request. We’re working on it with them, but in the meantime figured we would start our inquiry from the state’s massive product catalog, specifically by looking for language that, let’s just say, you won’t find on products at Kohl’s.
And when it comes to big bad buzzwords, the obvious bible is George Carlin’s classic comedy compendium, “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.” We’re not Carlin and this ain’t the 1970s, so in the interest of not aggravating everyone, we decided against printing the two most offensive ones (though we did run them through the database, and can assure you there are no edibles or prerolls with them in their name, even though one rhymes with “blunt”).
On the other hand, if you do have an urge to write us hate mail, we ask that you at least consider this quote from Carlin before sending your thoughts: “These words have no power. We give them this power by refusing to be free and easy with them. We give them great power over us. They really, in themselves, have no power. It’s the thrust of the sentence that makes them either good or bad.”
Holy shit indeed, there are 32 products with the word “shit” in the name!?! It surprised us too. Within the pile though, there’s not too much variety. There are Deep Shit prerolls by The Heirloom Collective, but most of the representation comes in the form of 2090 Shit sativa flower from Cookies via GreenCare Collective, and also Pioneer Valley Extracts which cultivates and sells the strain in various forms.
As we expected to find going into this, “piss” is extremely popular, with 146 entries in the Mass product catalog, from Unicorn Piss via Triple M, to a small amount of Dragon Piss on the market, to Cat Piss from The Pass and CommCan, to Cheetah Piss by Ideal Craft Cannabis, Suncrafted, and puddles of others.
To be clear, there are plenty of products on the Mass market with letters that stand for crude words. Like “ATF” for Alaskan Thunder Fuck, for example. We’ve even heard from companies that regulators have made them adopt such abbreviations in some cases—it’s the reason we filed our public information request in the first place. But for the purpose of this roundup, we’re not including those.
As for products registered in the system that include the word “fuck,” there are 15. That includes a lot of variants, but basically the honors go to Sira Naturals and CommCan for getting Matanuska Thunder Fuck greenlit, and to Solar Therapeutics and Temescal Wellness for successfully submitting Alaskan Thunder Fuck.
While there are no gummies, prerolls, or suppositories with the word “motherfucker” in the name, Northeast Alternatives did receive approval for “Adios Mother Fuckers” clones, while Cookies has the slightly more surreptitious Adios MF available.
Ironically, there’s only one product in the Mass database sold under the word “tits.” And the title goes to North Shore wholesaler Wellman Farm, which has a single entry for its Sugar Tits bulk flower.