Corny Stoner Dad Jokes For The Dinner Table

Image the result of getting our AI generator stoned

We replaced the subject in 100 dad jokes with the word “weed.” These 60 turned out even funnier than the originals … 

“I’m afraid for the weed. Its days are numbered.”

“My wife said I should do weed to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.”

“Singing in the shower is fun until you get weed in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.”

“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Weed.”

“I thought the dryer was shrinking my weed. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.”

“How does dry weed affect you at work?” “You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it.”

“What do you call a factory that makes weed products?” “A satisfactory.”

“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Weed!”

“Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty weed.”

“What did the ocean say to the beach?” “Nothing, it’s just weed.”

“What did the zero say to the eight?” “That weed looks good on you.”

“A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one weed and a mop.'”

“I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said weed.”

“What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?” “Where’s the weed?”

“What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the weed is a big plus.”

“What does a sprinter eat before a race?” “Weed, they fast!”

“Where do you learn to make a banana split?” “Weed school.”

“What has more weed than the alphabet?” “The post office!”

“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all weed!”

“What do you call a weed Santa Claus?” “St. Nickel-less.”

“I got carded at a liquor store, and my weed card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”

“Where do boats go when they’re sick?” “To the weed doc.”

“I don’t trust those weeds. They seem kind of shady.”

“My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my weed and right!”

“How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a weed.”

“I don’t trust weed. They’re always up to something.”

“What do you call someone with no body and no weed? Nobody knows.”

“Did you hear the rumor about weed? Well, I’m not going to spread it!”

“What did one hat say to the other?” “Stay here! I’m going on weed.”

“Why did Billy get fired from the weed factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.”

“Dad, can you put my weed on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

“Why can’t a weed be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”

“What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?” “Weed!”

“This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get weed.”

“Dad, can you put the weed out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”

“How does a taco say grace?” “Lettuce weed.”

“Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain?” “It didn’t have the weed.”

“How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little weed in it.”

“What do you call weed that isn’t yours? Nacho weed.”

“My dad told me a joke about weed. I guess I missed the punch line.”

“I used to be addicted to weed, but I’m clean now.”

“A guy walks into a bar… and he was disqualified from the weed contest.”

“When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a weed?”

“I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…”

“Do you wanna box for your weed?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”

“That weed looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.”

“Shout out to my weed. I can count on all of them.”

“If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting weed?”

“I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange weed. It was more of a fanta sea.”

“I’ve got a great joke about weed, but I’m still working on it.”

“I used to hate weed … but then it grew on me.”

“I decided to sell my weed—it was just gathering dust!”

“I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.”

“You know, people say they pick their weed, but I feel like I was just born with mine.”

“What’s brown and sticky? A weed.”

“What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled weed.”

“I like telling weed jokes. Sometimes he laughs!”

“It takes guts to be a weed donor.”

“I’m so good at weed, I can do it with my eyes closed!”

“I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like weed.”