At the first-ever Bay State Bong-Off, the first round will be judged on the size of your cloud, showmanship, and grace. “Are you coughing? Are you crying? Are you drooling?”
It’s about as common for a heavy weed smoker to claim they take the biggest bong hits as it is for a rapper to boast about his big dick. They like to brag about their tubes to some extent, whether they truly have the gift or not.
Sometimes bragging leads to challenges, and as we’re told, such a gauntlet was thrown a few months ago regarding weed and slider size someplace near Worcester. Arrangements were then made to settle things at the smoke-friendly Summit Lounge, and people got to planning the first-ever Bay State Bong-Off.
One of the organizers and top seeds, Shara Spelkoman, a sales territory manager for Perpetual Brands, asked if I’d be interested in judging the contest, which will go down this Thursday, Nov. 14. I naturally obliged, and asked some questions in return to see what is in store …
CF: Let’s start with you and your bong-toking bona fides and background in New England weed. What professional and personal experience makes you the ideal person to usher such a competition into existence?
SS: I suppose I’ve been doing weed things since long before I was allowed to talk about it publicly. Personally, always, and professionally … at least peripherally since I was in college. I’ve been in the Massachusetts legal market since March 2023. Biz aside, I’m kind of known for my big ass bong rips. I built a pretty ridiculous, currently mostly abandoned social media persona around it … which weirdly helped nudge where I am in my cannabis career today.
Now, to the tool and cultural phenomenon at the center of all this. As a bong aficionado and advocate, tell us why you think it has such staying power and why it’s your preferred way to consume.
The bong is a stoner icon. Really good flower out of a clean bong tastes perfect to me, as true to its actual flavor as you can get. Plus, I’m not a scientist or health expert, but when I look at what’s still in my bong, when I’m done, I have to imagine if I were consuming it another way that would be in my body. Right?
As for its current place in the culture at large, are bongs having a renaissance? Are they seen by some younger twentysomething smokers as a relic? Something in the middle?
I’m not sure! I am an old. I think a lot of younger smokers probably see them as a relic? It breaks my heart a little to say I think that the newer consumers lean towards convenience. I see way more people busting out pre-rolls to share than walking around with a padded bag on their backs like we did at the seshes of olden days. I still do. I’d like to think the real ones know.
How did this event come to be and who is involved?
The Bay State Bong-Off is the brainchild of myself, as a rep of Perpetual Brands, and the awesome team over at Green Choice Dispensary in Blackstone. Approving an invoice turned into friendly banter about being bong smokers, turned into a joke about a smoke off challenge, which then turned into a much more serious smoke off challenge. We figured, why not see which other licenses wanna get in on the fun and do something different.
What are the mechanics of the competition, the scoring, all that. I guess I should know if I’m judging. What equipment will be used? What strains? And finally, how many bong hits did you and the other organizers take figuring all of this out?
Okay, so … the first round will be judged on three factors: the size of your cloud, showmanship, and grace—Are you coughing? Are you barfing? Are you crying? Are you drooling?
Perpetual, Paper Crane, and some other awesome sponsors are providing flower for our challengers, but they are more than welcome to bring their own if there’s a strain they feel most comfortable with. We will be weighing the first round snap to standardize it. As always, the Summit Lounge has glass you can rent, but I assume most serious bong smokers will want to bring their own weapon.
Round two gets weird. The top 10 scores from the first round will go onto a wildcard round. Knock the judge’s socks off. Think you can suck down a 3g snap covered in rosin? Headstand bong rip? Exhale singing opera? I don’t wanna give away too many ideas since I’ll be competing and representing my team at Perpetual. But bring your A-game.
And we collectively smoked about 420 bongs to finalize this idea.
What are some pro tips for how one ought to prepare for such a lung scrum?
I don’t wanna give away my secrets, because, as I just mentioned, I will be competing … but I will say that I have been training for this … maybe my whole life. I’d practice.
In addition to the props that come with holding the prestigious title of Bay State Bong Champ, tell us about the belt and significant prize package.
The prize packs are getting heavier by the day, and the championship belt weighs a whopping six pounds and will get your name engraved on it. It’s the best kind of absurd.
The big winner takes home a 19.5-inch Sovereignty 75mm grid dome stemline with purple amber minor accents, all the bells and whistles—Sov glass ashtray, Sov moodmat, Sov torch lighter that’s worth $75 alone. They’re also taking home a top-of-the-line Scout hard case—with wheels—from our generous sponsor, Revelry Supply. Plus Perpetual swag, and a grip of other gifts from our sponsors. Second and third place take home gorgeous, full-size bongs worth a couple hundred dollars apiece from our other generous sponsors, MAV Glass and Chameleon Glass, as well as awesome gear from Revelry and other goodies. Honestly, every single competitor ticket is going home with a small piece of glass from MAV and other gifts totaling more than the ticket price.
Even door entry tickets come with a Perpetual tote filled with goodies, and a raffle ticket for a chance to win a full-size bong just for showing up. Literally, no one is going home empty-handed from this thing. Can you tell I’m excited?
Any words to anyone who might be out there reading this and thinking they can pull the biggest tubes in the entire commonwealth?
I blow some big ass clouds and I talk a lot of trash. But honestly, I want to be made to look a fool for thinking I could win. I wanna get laughed out of the Summit Lounge, because everybody else is so much more impressive than me. I want to lose my voice from cheering and smoking. Smoke to impress, this is gonna be so fun.
More info and tickets here
